Saturday, August 31, 2013

Pre-hysterectomy....getting to the nitty-gritty


"Why a hysterectomy?" 

"Don't you know there are other things that can be done?"

"I had blah blah blah done and I have no periods anymore."

"Are you sure you don't want to have anymore kids?"

"Is John ok with this? "

These are only a few of the questions/comments I received when I let people know that I was considering a total hysterectomy.
Then I had a few friends who have had the procedure done and said that they wouldn't change it for anything!  And it's you, friends, that I would like to thank....

See. I don't really have horror period stories to speak of. When I was younger,  they were bad. Pretty Damn painful and extremely heavy. But I managed them.

After I had Jacob, they were hardly there at all and let me tell you. ...I thanked God for that! But with in the last few years, they've come back hard and nasty. And I started noticing a pinch of depression every month. Then they started showing twice a month.  But that wasn't even the worst part.

If I would move/bend just right, I would get this stabbing sensation in my belly. Like a knife,  hitting me from the inside.
I couldn't orgasm because the stabbing would hit if I tightened those muscles.
I couldn't even think about doing crunches or sit ups. So forget about getting in shape for my wedding dress.

Time to get this checked out.

I made an appointment with my family doctor who tends to cover all bases in his practice. After all, I was WAY past due for a pap.... after examining me and talking, he thought it would be best to have an ultrasound done and get down to the problem.

Of course,  when my appointment rolled around, aunt flow thought it would be hilarious to pay me a visit. And to make matters better, an internal ultrasound was needed...

A week passed when I finally got the results. "Now, I don't want you to freak out when I tell you...." those words never help anyone NOT freak out.  Lol But anyway, Dawn (our doctors nurse) told me that there was a mass on my uterus...and my doctor was out of town til next week. (Fabulous.) They're pretty sure it's just a fibroid but I should go ahead and make an appointment with my obgyn.

Yay. Now I have to find an obgyn.....

After calling the doctor that was recommended to me....I was anxious! You mean to tell me I have to wait nearly 2 months to get in and find out what this is?!  No thank you!

A quick phone call to my husband and suddenly an obgyn office was calling ME to schedule an appointment in 2 weeks.

Have I mentioned how much I love this man?

The next couple appointment went like this.... regular exam, biopsy, blood work and ultrasounds.

My thyroid was cleared, there were no cancerous cells and that large mass....6cm fibroid on my uterus. Could that be causing all of the pain?  She didn't think it was the main culprit.  Could it be causing all of my wacked out periods?  Likely. Then the options were introduced. All of them would likely control my bleeding and some even might stop it completely but the choices were limited, due to my blood clotting and they would likely not take away the stabbing pains.

So another option was possible. A hysterectomy. I knew going in that this option would probably be presented and that it was something that I've said,  "they can have it! I'm done with it! " for a long time. She laid down the different operations.... laparoscopic, abdominal, vaginal and the Da Vinci. The final one, being the least invasive and quickest recovery time.

"Sign me up."  Those were my words, right before an anxiety attack hit me....

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

7 days left, til 2013.......Christmas Day, Part 2


As we finish up and slip into a breaking period in the morning, I get up and go to the kitchen to begin getting things ready for our lunch/dinner.

John heads down stairs to start some laundry (or so I assume) and I yell down to him, "Baby, see if the folding chairs are down there and bring them up!"

A few moments later he yells back, "Got em. Do you want the table too?" I say, "Sure" and continue with what I'm doing....

John brings the chairs and table upstairs and I really don't pay any attention. I'm so busy with cleaning and getting the ham and food prepared.....

Next thing I know, John is hugging me from behind. This is nothing out of the being the pervs that we normally are, I grind up against him and turn slightly to kiss him and say Merry I turn, he helps me turn the rest of the way and .....

s...l...o...w      m...o...t....i...o...n      k...i...c...k...s      i...n    as he drops down to one knee.....

And I see the box.

"Shut. Up." Those are the first words out of my mouth.....and then a bunch of, "Seriously?" And, "Are you kidding me?" "Really?" "Shut. Up." "Really??" and on and on.........

And then he asks me, "Will you marry me?"

"No......YES!" I exclaim! I really wanted to play out the "no" card but DAMMIT!! I've been waiting for this day for too long!!!

"Sorry I couldn't come up with something clever." He says.

hahahaha. I love him! And then I kissed him. =)

And cried. And smiled. And cried. And kissed him. And cried. And laughed. And smiled. And kissed him......

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

7 days left, til 2013.......Christmas Day, part 1

Christmas morning!

Christmas morning is sooooooooooooooooo exciting in our home!

Santa fills Jacobs stocking while he's sleeping and leaves it at the foot of the bed. This is Santa's little way of telling Jacob that it's ok to get out of bed and go get mom and dad....

After we're able to get our eyes open, we get into the stocking to see what's been left then slowly make our way to the living room.

This year, I woke way before Jacob and John and actually ended up waking them up......I love Christmas morning!

Little did I know......this would be The. Best. Christmas. Ever.

So, Jacob waited.....somewhat patiently....for us to make some coffee.....

As soon as coffee was was present time! (Ok, it was present time before the coffee got finished but it was in slow

Jacob had so many awesome toys this year..... We decided that we were going to let him take a break from opening gifts and let him play some while we did a little house work to get ready for Christmas Lunch/Dinner...... but one more present......

And this, my friends is the last gift of Jacobs that I took a picture of.......Because I'm a terrible mommy....Because Things.....amazing things were about to happen...........

To be continued.....

Monday, September 24, 2012

My friend....

My friend Bobby passed a little over a week ago...... Bobby was one of the sweetest people that you could know. When you had a talk with him, he just reminded me of that old cat from down the block.

The first time I met Bobby, I had come out of my apartment and was going to check my mail. There was a man standing there who obviously heard me come out of my door because he turned to me. He was a black, older man with some thick glasses. I smiled and said hello and we introduced ourselves....At that moment I didn't know he had glaucoma and was partially blind. He put his hand out and as we shook hands he told me that he couldn't see I took his hand, I figured out that he was also missing all of his fingers on his hand.

It's funny. I don't think I've ever remembered ever detail of meeting someone in my life. Bobby, John and Jacob share in the "every detail of a meeting" in my brain. It's for those 3three only.

Bobby and I hung out EVERY SINGLE day from that day forward. (ok....sometimes I went out of town but besides those times...we hung out every day) Bobby loved baseball. I have never been a sports fan but we would listen to the games on the front steps or in his apartment. We'd "get our heads bad".....occasionally have a drink and sometimes just jam out to some music.

When Jacob was born, Bobby gave Jacob his nickname, "Sweet pea"..... For the first 6 month of Jacobs life Bobby and Vanessa were some of the main people in his life.

We moved from Maplewood before Jacob turned one and we would go over and hang out from time to time. As time went by, the visits grew further apart but we would still talk on the phone. When we moved out to the country, we tried to talk Bobby into coming out and staying the weekend with us...."Ha! I watch 'In the Heat of the Night" Bobby would say...... He never did come out.

The last time I saw my friend, he could no longer see me at all. This made me sad.... I knew that his vision was never clear but he could always at least see he was truly blind. When we left from our short visit I told him that I loved him and gave him a hug....(Bobby liked hugs from girls with big boobies....hahahaha)

My last visit was nearly a year ago.......and I still can't help but kick myself for not getting over there again........

I miss my friend. And I can't call him and tell him that I'm sorry for not being a better friend and being around more....

Bobby was removed from life support on Tuesday, September 11th and passed away on Saturday, September 15th......

I was angry. I know that taking people off of life support is a tough decision and I hope to God that I don't ever have to make it. But as he continued to fight for his life and people continued to say, "Its in Gods hands" after 48 hours and his vitals staying the same I started believing it wasn't in Gods hands but these people were killing my friend..... I'm not a doctor (maybe there was some medical reasoning behind it???) and not his wife And I wanted so bad to shout out.....YOUR STARVING HIM.....but I couldn't..And it's got me thinking.....

If God forbid, something happen to John..... I would have no say in anything. And that scares me....

I've had a tough day today with all of this.... I think part of grieving is anger.....and I think that's were I'm at today....I'm so angry....This too shall pass.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Mother's Day

I've never really thought much of Mother's Day.

In the past, I've used it as an excuse not to take care of laundry, dishes, meals, dirty diapers.....pretty much taking a day off. Only to have to turn around the next day and bust my butt because, not only did I have the day off, so did everyone else in my house.

We would also make sure to go and see our own mothers. Usually meeting up with mine, to do a quick brunch, then with his to hang out for a while.

This year, Mother's Day truly means something to me.

(I originally was going to touch on a subject here, that many of you are aware of but before I published....well. It's not here anymore)

 This Mother's Day will be all about THIS mother. I feel like I deserve it.

My boys and I will be sleeping in. You know. Til 7. Maybe 8, if I'm lucky.

Hopefully, John will make me some breakfast.

Then we'll be heading out to Ronnies to catch The Avengers. (Ok, so this isn't exactly the kind of movie that I would normally pick to see, but I know it's something that my 6 year old will sit still and watch!)

After that, we'll most likely go to some restaurant for a late lunch/early dinner. I'm totally thinking STEAK!

So, with that.....To all of you Mothers out there. Happy Mother's Day!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Learning a new word.....

I knew it was going to start happening. Doesn't it happen to everyone? You start going to school and soon, you're learning new words!

The teacher's teach you words that you need to get through to the next grade....

The older children teach you new words that get you in trouble at home.....


Yesterday, as the children are getting off of the bus, Jacob can't wait to play the new game that he just learned with me.

"Mom, after everything that I say, you say 'Bait'".....







" Ok. I don't get that one. Cute. Very cute."

Then I hear J. (one of my children that I get on and off the bus) say to his sister,

"After everything I say, say 'bait'".







I turn around quickly. And go into whole "Oh no. You don't say that kind of thing..." speech.

Then, of course, all three children tell me that they "don't even know what it means!"

At this time, their Grandma comes outside and I go over the conversation that just took place and leave it in her hands to take care of.

As we're walking up the hill, Jake is pleading his case. So I decide, that's fine, you don't know what it means, let me tell you what it means. "It means to touch your wiener. And it's not something that you talk about....ESPECIALLY on the bus and at school." And that was all that Jake needed to hear. Conversation over.

I'd like to think that I handled that pretty well. What do you think?

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Leave $%*# alone......

"You just couldn't leave shit alone......."

Those were my words to John last night.

My Grandma bought a cute little butterfly jewelry box for me when they were in Costa Rica for my cousins wedding. I don't own a bunch of jewelry but it was really cute and even more special because my Grandma thought of me when they were gone.

I can't take a picture of my cute little butterfly jewelry box because it's sitting on top of the entertainment center, glued together and drying. It's drying because, John just can't leave shit alone.

It didn't fit together was fine. I actually believe that it was made that way to make it look like the butterfly was pushed out a little bit.

My dad was messing with it and trying to come up with different ways to get it to fit perfectly together...I told him to leave it was fine. I like it just the way it is! Leave it alone.

He left it alone.......but you could tell he really wanted to mess with it.

John came home. We ate dinner. I decided to show him what Grandma gave me, less than 12 hours ago.

He noticed that it didn't go together perfectly.

Leave it alone.

I'm playing on Pinterest. I hear.....CRACK...."Damn it!"

"You just couldn't leave shit alone."

"It was bound to happen." My dad chimes in.

"Not if he could have left shit alone."

"It WAS bound to happen." John echos.

"Not if you would have left shit alone........No. You're right. It was bound to happen. Because if you didn't break it, my dad would have. So, yes. It was bound to happen."